Wednesday, July 26, 2006

ASSUMPTIONS....

You know what they say about assumptions....The only real thing that assuming achieves is making an ASS out of U and ME....I never really understood the impact of this statement before....I just treated it as a funny play on the word.....and generally used to quote it when my friends made silly little assumptions about trivial little things....

Today however....this little saying has made a huge impression on me....ASSUMING definitely makes an ass of both the person who assumes and the person who is in the receiving end of the assumption.....in someways making assumptions is even worse than lying....because at least when you lie....it is a conscious action taken DESPITE actually being aware of the truth....However when making an asusmption, something is essentially being taken for granted or accepted as being true without proof or validation...

Why this sudden revelation today you may ask?

This past 6 months has been very difficult....I have never experienced such a crazy rollercoaster of emotions as I have this year...In just a span of 3 months.....I lost someone I loved a lot, an extremely unfortunate incident changed a valuable friendship of mine forever....the blind trust I placed on someone came back to bite me....interwined with these incidents....I have had a lot of wonderful moments as well.....there's no denying that....I have accomplished a lot that I have always wanted to but never took the time or initiative to, in this past 1/2 a year....I have also met a variety of interesting people...people who have made me think...made me smile....

But the above negative incidents affected me a lot...They changed the way I think and behave greatly...When previously I'd welcome any new person in my life with open arms and complete warmth, now I am a little more cautious and wary.....It has become so much more difficult for me to trust people and believe that they will trust me....For some reason however, these feelings of mine have manifested externally in a way that has made a lot of people in my life assume that maybe I care for them less, I do not value their company...that that I feel that they are not worthy of my trust....or in some extreme cases...that I even dislike them.... In addition I am afraid of getting too close to people lest they get taken away from me....

While the catalyst to these assumptions could very well be my own actions....It still hurts that such assumptions have been made....because more than any material possesions in my life....the people in my life matter to me a lot....I know that the people who matter will believe in me no matter what.....but it is still disheartening to think that I could potentially lose friendships I haven't yet even had the chance to cultivate because of these assumptions that stand between us....

Assumptions need to not happen....especially when it comes to issues or people that mean something.....it is better to talk it out...clarify...validate....one may not like what one hears or finds out or absolutely be thrilled with what one hears or finds out....but either of these is definitely better than sitting around and making baseless conlusions or opinions....

Meanwhile....I shall trying to open myself up more again and embracing people with more faith....It will not be an easy or quick process for sure but I sure do hope to get there as soon as it is possible for me too....

And that my dear reader....is the truth...and no assumption.............

10 comments:

woorkeri wittynathan said...

Neat post, Ciara!
Assumption is also the mother of all f*** ups! :)
As an aside, would you quit using a series of periods??!!

ciara said...

I can't...haha....it's something I am too used to doing...It's part of who I am...my hand automatically goes to the period key...it's quite bizarre...

Areille said...

Awesome post, C! I can say I have been there, felt that, done it all.

In such situations, I constantly remind myself, 'Just because I fall down and bruise my knees, I can't be afraid to walk again!' And another take on this is, Karma. Everyone is responsible for their own lives and the pain they cause to others. So if someone has caused you pain, or deceived you in anyway, they will face repercussions. It's all a cycle. I beleive in the balance and I know it exists.

So definitely don't change yourself cause of mistakes made by others! Only change yourself when you think you are improving you! :)

woorkeri wittynathan said...

Areille - Well said! (Only change yourself when you think you are improving yourself!)

C- A natural outcome of negative events is that we tend to be more on our guard with people. It may be a fair thing to do, lest we get hurt again! But, the real question, as always, is 'Where do you draw the line'?

samurai said...

The positive side of this is that opened it out and said it like it is :) We are prisoners of our own inhibitions, so we shouldnt allow a few incidents to hold us ransom for rest of lives.

When I experience betrayal, the first thing I do is try to cement the existing relationships (without ofcourse coming across as needy). People who hold you dear at times of need are the only ones you would want you around anyways.

My first rule about new friendships is 'Judge, but dont be judgemental' - easier said than done. Good luck and wipe off that icecream, now :P

Shebang said...

this post is to confirm that a guy has felt the same way too. Infact is feeling the same way. Funny this was posted a month ago.

Lot of self restraint, being conscious that we are not feeling well helps.
Ofcourse we still screw up sometimes, but thats ok.

anand said...

First of all, I dont think we know each other!! I reached this blog by chance when I was reading witty-natham's latest post!!

On the post itself - while there is no denying that we cannot let negative incidents in our lives change us, i do not believe that blind faith in people is the way to be! Maybe this is not the opinion others were trying to convey and I've got it all wrong, but from what I read, I got the impression that the right thing to do is to keep the door open all the time!

I firmly believe that an open door is going to bring the breeze along with the dust! We all agree that locking out the world is not the solution, but we got to respect ourselves enough to place our trust only where it is worthy. Like witty said - whats the line? To me, the answer is clear - people have to earn my trust! It's certainly not there for the taking!!

Most certainly, once trust is established, there is no holding back! And I couldn't agree more - we need to keep talking! Be it pleasant or unpleasant topics, there can be no substitute to talking and clarifying things! I believe in the rule that if I'm unable to find the 'right' time to talk to someone about unpleasant matters, then I need to think if I really trust the other person!

the zesty yet suicidal pet said...

OK. A little late. Many angles covered by your post and the comments section. I will admit that it was not a comfortable reading. It felt like glaring at an open wound of a fellow passenger in this cyclic journey of solace and betrayal. Assumptions are not necessarily the root of all evil. It is one of the first casualties in the post-mortem analysis of a relationship. Once you dig deeper, you may realize other reasons behind the unnatural demise of the bond you shared with someone. Obviously during this post-mortem process, human instinct is to 'cocoon' oneself until the reason(s) for the demise can be isolated. The time to get out of the shell is always open to debate, but you get to make the curtain call. I just hope you can extract the lessons out of this experience and carry it along your journey. Philosophical pseudo-lessons are easy to type, but difficult to implement. So.. take your own sweet time, make judgments but do not block people out, bitch about acquaintances but do not indulge in slander, remain translucent but learn to show transparency to people who need and deserve it the most, and most important of all, have fun and spread fun. Nietzsche, N Vincent Peale and Freud were flawed, but they were not party poopers ;) .. Roll on the good times but stay in character!
Let me just end by quoting a line from House (I know, American TV has it’s addicts) – Pain makes us take weird decisions, but fear of pain is a good motivator.

ciara said...

I cannot believe I completely abandoned my blog and have missed out all these wonderful comments!

I am BACK now though!:)

Ram said...

Did you feel silly reading this nearly a year after you wrote it? ;)